You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
