After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
