Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
