They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
