I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She announced her abortion via fbk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
