I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
