He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We're too hungover to prance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize