I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
