Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
