woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
