My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
