omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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