i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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