Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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