You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i drank out of a bidet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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