I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
