It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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