can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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