Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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