So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
