did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
