Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
