I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
