Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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