Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
