He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize