fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
