Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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