Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
