If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
