i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
