SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
