I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
