She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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