we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
