remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
