Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
