Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize