i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
