Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry about my life...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
