the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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