My hand turned me down
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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