I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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