DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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