She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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