I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
