Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
