I hate your face
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
