i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
