mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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