I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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