He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize