i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize