I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
