So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
