Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
