Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
