your parents love me but you hate me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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