One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
