The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
as a side note pls kill me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
