Christians are straight up FREAKS
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
